How to not be a creep online and 4 tips for being not creepy

Major announcement: I just got hit up by another creep online. Again. Arghhhh…

Fortunately, I’m one of the lucky ones. This doesn’t happen to me too often.  But it happened yesterday. I had a bunch of friend requests on FB, and in a moment of weakness, I okayed someone that I didn’t have too many mutual friends with. Within 1 minute my phone goes “ping!” – I have a direct message.

message from FB creep“My dear” (he probably thinks he’s being charming) “I must say you are so beautiful to be adorn [sic], your beauty is beyond human imagination” (he’s really laying it on thick) on and on he goes.

I take a quick screenshot – and he is unfriended and blocked! “Creep!”

There are a few women who fall for that stuff. There are more women who will tolerate that kind of behavior, it amuses them, and it doesn’t bother them enough to take any action. But most women have a very strong CREEP RADAR. You’re a creep. You’re slimy. You’re a manipulator. You’re not trustworthy. You are BLOCKED, BANNED, OUT.

Most women have a very strong CREEP RADAR

Now let me make it very clear – I love being complimented like any other human being. But unless I know you, unless there is a clear sense that I have a relationship with you, unless you have passed a certain level on my test of “you’re-a-safe-person”, there are things that I will NOT accept from you – and gratuitous praise of my physical beauty is at the top of that list.

I tell this story to illustrate what every good marketer knows: if your (potential) client likes and trusts you, they will do business with you again and again.

If your client likes and trusts you, they will do business with you again and again.

Women in general highly value safety and security – not just online, but in their physical space and in their emotional space. (I will write about that in the future.)

I have over 1700 friends on Facebook now, but in real life (IRL) I only actually know maybe 500 of them, and currently I interact regularly with maybe 100 of those. I carefully guard who is in my space, and I read about all the advances in technology that are blurring the lines of reality that put me potentially in danger. I personally know women who have been targeted online by predatory groups that pretend to be individuals to prey on lonely women and get them to send money overseas.  Women use “burner” phones and numbers, create new email addresses, for online dating, etc, because that is assumed necessary in this day and age to protect yourself.

In this kind of environment, marketing to women can be tricky.

Quick tips for social media contacts (applies to men also, but especially to women):

  • Don’t go immediately to a private message – keep it out in public for a while, make helpful comments on their public posts. Make your presence lightly felt in their social media awareness. See if they reciprocate by commenting on your posts. It’s a give and take, right? It takes two to tango, right? Try to not make your 1st private message a hard sales offer. You’re developing a long-term relationship.
  • Remembering that it’s a long-term relationship, don’t make 4-5 comments in a row, or even several in a day. Don’t bombard their notification board – it makes you look desperate, and it’s annoying.
  • If you are selling on social media – be straight forward: “Hey, I saw on your feed, it looks like you’re trying to make money online.” … then make your offer. Don’t try to get in the back door and try to bait-and-switch them.
  • Don’t start with crazy kiss-butt compliments – “oh you’re so beautiful”, “what a powerful woman you are” unless you have developed that kind of relationship, or you’ve seen on the public feed that this person likes that sort of stuff and has that kind of sense of humor.

FYI: This is not a relationship blog. (But if it helped your love life, you’re welcome!)  Sign up to keep updated on new posts about marketing, the unique mind of women as it relates to marketing, my online entrepreneurial journey and other stuff!

    1 Response to "How to not be a creep online and 4 tips for being not creepy"

    • David Jones

      Hi Kris,
      Your post is straightforward and to the point. I like how you interweave the common areas between marketing and the not being a creep zone and show how they each contain a lot of the same elements and the info is entertaining as it is helpful.
      You have a charm in your writing. Me on the other hand, I need to make my posts a little more condensed as I tend to be too lengthy i am told.
      Keep it up Kris. Good job.

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